When I use the word fencing, I’m not referring to the sport.  This is a term used in dining skills.  I just had a reader ask me a great question.  She asked me what is the proper way to eat peas.  We have all experienced frustration when we are eating peas or rice.  We want that last bite, but how do you gracefully get the peas from your plate into your mouth?

I teach this in my classes and serve peas in this session to demonstrate.  The first thing you want to do is to turn your plate with the peas or rice facing you.  Take the knife in your left hand with the blade down on the plate.  You then use your fork which is in your right hand (assuming you are right handed), and you push the food against the knife and onto your fork.  The blade of the knife serves as a barrier.  One point to remember is not to rest the knife in this position when fencing.  For those of you who do not know what I mean by resting, I will write about that in another article.  Keep holding the knife while fencing.

Try this and see how easy eating those peas and rice is when you hold the knife in a fence position.  The knife like the fork and spoon serve different purposes depending on the food we are eating.  Fencing is just one of the ways a knife can be  used.  I hope this was helpful and answered the question.

 

Ginny Brown

The Etiquette School of Northeast Georgia

Hoschton, GA (Hamilton Mill area, Dacula, GA)

ginny@etiquetteschoolofnega.com

678-889-4814 office

770-296-4159 cell

Are your dining skills polished?  Can you go into a five star restaurant and handle yourself with ease and grace?  We all want to know the rules of etiquette while dining.  We don’t want to appear unpolished.  There are a few basic tips that are easy to remember.  I’ll talk about some of them in this message.

Recently, my younger son asked me a dining question.  He had been to a fine restaurant and wanted to know what he was supposed to do with his napkin when he excused himself to visit the men’s room.  He said he put his napkin on the table of the left side of the plate not on top of any silverware.  There was a discussion about this at the table, and no one was really sure what was correct.  In my experience, I teach putting the napkin exactly where he did.  I don’t  recommend putting it on the chair.  One of the uses of that napkin is to wipe your mouth.  You don’t know how clean the seat of that chair is.   What you don’t know is that workmen could have been standing in the chair that afternoon doing some cleaning.  So, I think it’s better just to lay the napkin to the left of the plate. 

I receive a lot of questions from young adults who are now in the finer dating stage of their life.  It’s not always pizza and beer or that fabulous burger with homemade fries.  They are wanting to experience something different and impress their date with a fine dining experience.  Another question I have been asked is where  does the female sit?  Is she seated to your left of to your right?  The lady is always seated to a man’s right.

As  I mentioned in the article What Would You Do,  start from the outside when choosing utensils and work your way in with each course.  What about placement of your utensils while eating?  There are two styles of dining Continental and American (Zig Zag).  Both of these styles involve different placement of the utensils while eating.  I will devote an article  on this another time as it is quite involved.  However one thing you should not do is put your knife on the table after using it.  I have seen many people do this.  Once a utensil has been used, there is a proper place for it.

Just another quick tip for your dining etiquette.  What do you do when the butter dish is passed?  Please don’t take your knife, cut the butter, or take a pat of butter with your knife and then proceed to spread the butter on your bread.  That’s why you  have a bread and butter plate.  Put the pat of butter on this plate first before spreading onto the bread.

These are just a few quick tips to keep in mind when dining.  Put these into practice, and you will feel more confidant in your dining experiences.

Ginny Brown

The  Etiquette School of Northeast Georgia

Hoschton, Ga (Hamilton Mill Area, Dacula)

ginny@etiquetteschoolofnega.com

678-889-4814

When was the last time someone held the door open for you?  When was the last time someone held the dinner chair for you?  Have you called a person’s phone only to have it answered by a child who then screams into the phone for their parent to answer?  How many responses did you get to the last invitation you sent?  I’m sure that you have noticed and felt the laxity in our society’s manners.  Yes, our society is more casual than our parents’ time.  Some of that is alright.  What isn’t acceptable is having poor manners.  As you will recall from one of my previous topics, manners and etiquette are based on respect. Having good manners is all about being respectful. 

As you have observed from my comments above, I’m talking about just using everyday manners.  I like it when the door is held for me, when the car door is opened for me, and when my chair is pulled out for me at the dinner table.  It shows respect for me. The person demonstrating these manners distinguishes himself from others.  In my parents’ era, it was the norm for the man to open a door for a woman.  Today, it is permissible for this not to be gender oriented.  Women can and do open doors for  men and especially in the business world.  It’s an act of kindness and respect. 

Take time and think about a  situation where maybe  you didn’t use your manners.  Manners need to be used at home and when we go out in public.  Did you answer the phone abruptly and speak in an irritated voice?  Were you in a rush and didn’t wait to hold the door for the other person coming behind you?  Did you constantly interrupt the conversation at the last dinner you attended?   Did you fail to remember to respond to an invitation?  All these things matter. If  some one thinks enough of you to invite you to a function, please have the common courtesy to respond to their invitation.  Show courtesy when engaging in conversation.  Show courtesy and wait a second and hold that door for the person behind you.  Use a pleasant voice when using the telephone.  I’ll write about telephone etiquette in another topic.  

Pay attention the  next time you use your manners.  I’m  willing to bet you will notice a difference in the way a person responds to you.  You know how you feel when someone uses their best manners towards you.  It’s a good feeling.

 

Ginny Brown

The Etiquette School of Northeast Georgia

Hoschton, Ga     (Hamilton Mill Area, Dacula)

678-889-4814

ginny@etiquetteschoolofnega.com

Do you know your forks?  Have you ever been in a dining situation, and you weren’t sure which fork to use?  At a formal dinner, you could have four forks at your place setting.  Do you know which one to use when?  I heard a  true story recently  about this very situation.  A group of ladies were at a luncheon, and the main course was a variety of salads.  The table was set with two forks.  The first fork starting from the outside was the dinner fork and the next fork was the salad fork.  Which one would you use?  Would you pick up the salad fork since you are eating salad or would you pick up the dinner fork?  Those of you that have seen the movie Pretty Woman remember a similar scene such as this one.  Julia Roberts is at an upscale restaurant and says”that’s the fork I know”, and she asks “where’s the salad?”.  She was thrown a curve ball on the order of courses.   She wasn’t sure which fork was to be used next.  None of us want to be in a  social situation and be faced with the unknown. Let’s get back to the  luncheon story.  The person telling me this said that she used the dinner fork while several people chose the salad fork.  This lady looked around the table and began doubting her choice of forks. However, she stayed with her initial choice . The next course was dessert.  Several of the ladies exclaimed,”Oh my.  I’ve already used my dessert fork with the salad!”     Would you know what to do?  Which fork would you have chosen and why?  What is the rule of thumb on the placement of the silverware? 

 

Ginny Brown

The Etiquette School of  Northeast  Georgia

678-889-4814

Hoschton, Georgia (Hamilton Mill Area, Dacula)

I had planned to write the next topic about how etiquette helps our children.  If you have been reading my blog, you will note the last topic was about respect.  That is the foundation of manners, and I will discuss the benefits of manners for our children in another post. 

However, today I’m sharing a personal experience that I’m sure a lot of you may have experienced.  Several years ago I was at a special dinner for my young adult daughter.  We were having dinner at a very nice upscale restaurant.  What was to be a special evening became an uncomfortable situation for my daughter and for me.  Our dinner companions did not put forth their best manners.    One thing I always tried to do while my children were growing up was to expose them to different dining situations and cultural events.  I wanted them to learn early what behavior was acceptable in different situations.  I’m not necessarily talking about taking my children to five star restaurants to experience good dining skills. 

 The night of the special dinner for my daughter was en enlightening experience.  One of the guests was  quite loud and demanding of the waitstaff.  At one point, he was pointing at another guest in the restaurant making loud uncomplimentary remarks. A side note here - this behavior was not due to adult beverages. People at tables close to us were staring.  I was very embarrassed as was my daughter.  When the young man kept demanding something from the waitstaff, it created a very tense situation.  This was a restaurant that my family frequented often so we were known by the staff and owners.  There was very little respect being shown to this waitperson who was giving us very good service. 

In my etiquette classes, I teach my students to try different foods and how to handle something that you  may not be particularly fond of that is served.  That night a scene was caused when I ordered an appetizer that seemed to be distasteful to one of the  couples at our table.  Actually this couple was older than my daughter.  So you would assume that they would know how to act.  They didn’t.  They proceeded to make all sorts of inappropriate comments about the dish I had ordered and carried it so far that they were almost gagging at the table!  At this point, I  honestly was mortified that someone that age would behave in this manner.  Here again, people at the table behind us were staring as if they could not believe what was happening.  The couple at the table behind us were there to have a peaceful dining experience and because of the actions of the people at my table, they were not allowed to do this.

Part of having good etiquette and manners is being gracious.  It is not acceptable manners to point out to someone how inappropriate their manners are.  You lead and teach by example.  If someone asks you what is the correct or polite way to handle a situation, tell them.  They have asked you and obviously want to know.  If you belittle someone by telling them that their manners are atrocious, you are not displaying good  etiquette.

 

Ginny Brown

The Etiquette School of Northeast  Georgia

678-889-4814

Hoschton, Georgia (Hamilton Mill area, Dacula)

I know from time to time we all ask ourselves “How do I want to be treated?”  What happened to the way people used to respond to one another?  Are we all so busy in our lives that we don’t remember how to be considerate of one another?  Etiquette and manners are based on the principle of respect.  The dictionary defines respect, the noun form, as “a feeling of deferential regard, the state of being regarded with esteem, polite expressions of deference.”  The verb form according to the dictionary means “to feel or show esteem for, to show consideration for.” 

When I was growing up, my brother and I were taught to respect others.  Our parents were wonderful role models, and they showed by example  how to treat and relate to others.  Respectful behavior was expected as the norm.  We were not perfect children by any means, but we did learn the meaning of being respectful to ourselves and other people.  The Golden Rule was the example we followed.  As a child, I remember my parents saying so many times “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”  I don’t know at the time if I realized this meant respect others.  That was a pretty big word when I was little.  However, I did know that it meant to be nice and kind to people just like you wanted them to treat you.

Somewhere along the way, the Golden Rule has taken a backseat in our world today.  Many people are consumed with themselves in their careers, social life, and home life.  It’s all about me.  I come first is the attitude of some people.  The problem  with this type of behavior is the example it is setting for our children and others.  If we aren’t respectful and considerate of others, why should our children be?  A parent is a child’s greatest teacher.  It’s not difficult to be respectful of one another.  My mother was very fond of saying that it took a lot more effort to be rude to someone than it did to be nice to them. 

As parents, teachers, and adults, we must strive to bring back respect in our lives for our well-being and our children’s well-being.  This is a foundation block for a civilized society.  We all benefit from respectful and considerate behavior.  When we make being respectful one of our everyday behaviors, we are on the way to having good etiquette and manners.

Ginny Brown

The Etiquette School of Northeast Georgia

678-889-4814

ginny@etiquetteschoolofnega.com

Hoschton, GA (Hamilton Mill area, Gwinnett  County)

I had a very nice interaction at a family gathering several weeks ago.  I had the opportunity to spend time with an eight year old and a ten year old.  The topic of table manners came up in my conversation with the two young girls.  They were interested in the etiquette classes which I teach.  I told them a couple of things which I teach in the dining skills class.  We talked about the uses of the napkin, the bread and butter plate, and  elbows on the table.  It was as if you could just see their young minds absorbing all this new information.  They had  lots of questions and showed a great interest in learning more.  After we talked for awhile, I quizzed them on what they had learned.  They remembered everything that we discussed and were excited to answer the questions which I asked them.  I reminded them to practice what they had learned the  next time they went out to a restaurant for dinner.

I heard later after I had returned home that all the family went out to dinner.  The young girls were very proud to show off some of their new manners.  To their delight, they reminded their great papa that his elbows were on the table.   They told him that there’s only one time when it is permissible to place ones  elbows on the table.  Apparently, this happened a couple of times.  Their great papa said he was going to call me and tell me that they had learned enough because he was getting into way too much trouble with the girls!  Of course, he was kidding and was  quite pleased that they had learned some new manners. 

It is never too early to begin teaching our young people manners.  They minds are very open and receptive to learning new things.  They enjoy this especially when it’s done in a fun way.  It is good to practice a new skill as it takes twenty one days to start a new pattern, 100 days for it to become automatic, and only thirty days to forget the new  skill.

Have you ever wondered how the word etiquette came into being?   When King LouisXIV of France was ruling his country, he had elaborate parties at his palace.  His palace and the grounds were truly magnificent.  The grounds had beautiful gardens with all types of flowers, and the lawns were well manicured.   King Louis became quite annoyed with his guests because they kept walking all over his gardens trampling the flowers and walking over the manicured lawns.  He had his workmen put signs up all over the palace grounds.  These signs gave instructions such as:  Walk only on the pathways; Do not walk on the grass; Watch out for my beautiful flowers.  The french word for the little signs was etiquette.  Throughout the  years, etiquette started being the word for all the little signs which help us know what to do and what not to do.   In our world today, all these signs make up our rules of manners.  The signs tell us things such as: ”Don’t talk with food in your mouth.”  “Remember when calling someone to come to the phone, please cover the receiver so you are not yelling in the caller’s ear.”  “Always remember the basic words thank you and please.”  Manners help you know what to do and how to behave in our society.  The signs are a guideline to  help us interact with  one another. 

What little signs can you think of that help you get along in today’s world?  Are there some that you don’t use as  much as you should?  Have you forgotten some of your manners altogether?  We are never too old to learn something new.  As adults, we must remember our manners and help our youth learn and practice theirs.

Ginny  Brown

The Etiquette School of Northeast Georgia

678-889-4814

I am a Certified Children’s Etiquette Consultant and am starting my first blog.  I have found that in today’s world manners and etiquette have taken a backseat in our society.  I plan to use this blog to talk about various forms of etiquette,  to explain why we need etiquette, and to give tips on etiquette.  I hope you will enjoy this blog and gain some insight from it.